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Test Drive a Car, Not A Human Being

August 04, 2013

Yesterday I did something I haven’t done in almost six months; going to my usual saloon to have my hair braided. One of the reasons why I haven’t done this for such a long time is because it takes a lot of time, a resource I seem not to be having a lot of lately. The other reason is because it makes my behind ache seriously… not that I lack natural cushioning, but sitting down for not less than six hours on a hard seat can cause even the healthiest behind to feel numb.

Anyway, moving on, considering that braiding takes a long time, there were two ladies doing my hair at the same time so as to reduce by half the time it would have taken to braid me had it been one person. It has been said before that if you really want gossip, walk into your nearest ladies saloon and you will hear enough to last you a lifetime. Well, I confirmed this yesterday because as soon as these two women started working on my hair, they went into gossip mode, talking about a certain lady who was “losing it.”

Well, according to them, this lady has been going through a lot of drama lately with the husband. She had been suspicious of him cheating on her for a long time but she didn’t have the evidence and had never got him red handed, until a few weeks ago. Having invested in so much time and commitment into the marriage, she felt more than cheated. Now she has gone into a serious depression, doing everything without moderation; according to the two women, she has now resulted into drinking herself silly, raving 8 days a week and absconding work whenever she feels like. From their “analysis” of the situation, unless there is divine intervention, she will soon become another statistic.

That story left me really disturbed because when I think about it, this seems to be the trend nowadays. Everywhere you go this has become the norm; flirting, unfaithfulness, cheating and everything that revolves around that. But why is this the case? What has made human beings so selfish and deplorable? What happened to commitment? What happened to respect? What happened to genuine love?

I am not a relationship counselor and I don’t ever intend to be one, but I believe the reason why we are having so many challenges in relationships nowadays is simply because people no longer have respect for each other. Call it naivety or whatever you want to call it, but I personally believe that for any relationship to work, it takes more than love. There has to be commitment. There has to be dedication. There has to be RESPECT.

I checked out a few definitions of the word RESPECT from an online dictionary and came up with the following:

• A feeling of appreciative, often deferential regard; esteem.
• The state of being regarded with honor or esteem.
• To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem.
• To avoid violation of or interference with: e.g. respect the speed limit.
• Willingness to show consideration or appreciation.

When you respect your partner, it means you consider their feelings and therefore would not want to destabilize them by doing something that would hurt them.

Yes temptations may come in all shapes and sizes, but because you respect your partner and by extension your relationship, then you will find ways to ensure you don’t fall into those temptations. Yes they may come in the form of a sexy eyed, big busted, slender waisted, full hipped bimbo you met sometime back, but all that notwithstanding, you will forego the urge to have a romp or two with her, if you truly respect your partner.

Yes temptations may come in the form of those so-called “harmless” sexts you encourage via whatsapp, sms and all other available social media platforms now available on the net and on smartphones, but if you truly value your relationship and respect your partner, you will purposefully avoid such channels of communication because what starts being so harmless will lead you into something you might never recover from.

Yes temptations may come in the form of “great conversations” with some Facebook “friend” or Twitter follower, but before you know it, you have taken those great conversations to flirting and there after you start sharing very intimate things about your lives. Sooner or later, the desire to meet and actualize your flirtatious conversations becomes the top most thought in your minds. Any “safe moment” (e.g. when your husband/wife is in the shower) you get, you quickly rush to your phone sending messages to your crush. If whatever you are doing is good and has no consequences, why would you be hiding as you are doing it? And while you are doing all that, do you ever consider what this could do to your partner, should he/she ever find out?

I could go on and on about this topic but I might risk being misunderstood like it has happened severally before. I remember writing about flirting some times back and coming under a lot of fire from people who were trying to second-guess my motives for writing that article. Well, I don’t mean to sound arrogant or rude, but let anyone who tries to second-guess me know this; even my mum, a woman in whose womb I stayed for nine months, stopped trying to second-guess my moves and intentions before I was 18 years of age, because she realized that when I focus on doing something, nothing and no one can stop me.

I have no apologies to make for what I write because in the end, my intentions are always clear; not to point a finger at any particular human being, but to reiterate the need for change in areas of our lives that society in general really needs to look into. The society is the way it is today because people are too afraid to speak out the truth about what is going on out there. Anyway, that was a by the way.

It’s ok if you think I live in a fairy tale, but I really wish relationships and marriages could go back to what they used to be and how they were intended to be by God; warm and fulfilling; a place where one would feel the safest in a world where insecurity is so rife; a place to nurture life and not to destroy it; simply defined, paradise.

All the above cannot be attained unless we learn to RESPECT each other in our relationships; unless we go back into being DEDICATED and COMMITTED to our partners, but above all, using common sense when entering into relationships.

In conclusion, I believe there are many people, both men and women, who are hurting like the woman who was being gossiped about in the saloon yesterday. In fact, I know of a friend who committed suicide last year in October because he found out his wife was cheating, among many other things. My only prayer is that this woman will not be pushed to that point of committing suicide because as it is, she is already way depressed.

Remember, a human being is not a car to be test-driven. If you are not serious about someone, then please don’t start something you are not ready to see to the end. This is the reason why fewer and fewer people are happy in their relationships, as a friend had clearly stated in a message I shared here.

I leave you to ponder on the words of D. B. Harrop, “In the end, those who demean others only disrespect themselves.”

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In the end love is not the only thing that matters, there have to be respect and trust. This is the bitter reality many come to learn when it is too late into the relationship. From my experience before i get into a relationship i have to ask myself besides the feeling i have, what is would make me be in that relationship? what else would make me sacrifice other things to be there? and when i can list at most three things other than the feeling then that is where i want to be.
Thanks for the post Liz

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